To the Strong Daughters Who Freed Themselves from Their Toxic Mothers

The one thing that I know I roll my eyes at every time I hear it slip out of someone’s mouth is “but she’s still your mother so you have to love her and forgive her.” Bullshit.

First off no one has the right to tell you who you have to love and who you have to let be a part of your life. Secondly I am so proud of you if you had the courage to finally say enough is enough and walk away. It isn’t easy.

Being a mother isn’t just birthing you, clothing you, feeding you, or putting on a show so that way the rest of the world thinks you’re doing a great job.

Society casts this idea that mothers and daughters are supposed to be best friends. However for some women that isn’t the case. Just because she gave birth to you doesn’t make her your mother. It isn’t a right or a privilege that you get, despite what that person thinks. She doesn’t get to use that as blackmail either.

Maybe she’s oblivious to the pain she’s caused you, maybe she lives in a delusional world where she’s done no wrong or maybe there are just too many variables to even begin to understand. It doesn’t make it right.

It’s not an easy thing getting over. Mother’s Day comes around and you see everyone getting so excited about it and you’re torn between gagging and this gnawing feeling in your gut that you don’t get that luxury.

I bet it’s taken years for you to come to grasp with it. It’s potentially made you closed off from others. It’s gotten in the way of relationships, friendships, and daily activities at times. You’ll see small traits of her in you and you get so discouraged that any part of her could be seen in you.

You’re not her. You are far from her. You are a caring, intelligent, gentle, kind, and wonderful woman.

You don’t have to forgive her. You don’t have to communicate with her, you don’t have to love her, and you don’t have to acknowledge her.

If you take one thing from this don’t let anyone tell you any different. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are in the wrong for feeling the way you do. Don’t let anyone tell you that it makes you a bad person for removing her from your life.

You don’t have to respect anyone who doesn’t show you the same kind of respect. You don’t have to love someone who doesn’t love you back, especially a love that comes with conditions.

You have the right to stand up for yourself. You have the right to remove anyone from your life that is toxic. You have to right to be happy. You have the right to decide who your family is. You make the decisions that are best for you.

See that word that keeps repeating, “You.”

It isn’t about her, at least not anymore because you’re stronger than that. You don’t need hers or societies approval to live a life that is best for you.

And for those who look at these girls and tell them to “be respectful of their “mothers” or “I’m sure she loves you” or my all-time favorite, “Don’t be ungrateful, she brought you into this world she is always your mother” please don’t.

She isn’t selfish, she isn’t naïve, and she’s not being rash or disrespectful. She’s doing what she knows is best for her.

At the end of the day you have yourself to answer to and I think you’ve turned into an amazing young woman without her.

XOXO

Audi Anderson