There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping the peace in your environment. Being kind to other people will not only get you the far in life, it will also create good karma. But there is a difference between being kind and pleasing other people.
When you are being a people pleaser, you put the needs of others before your own. It is a combination of finding it extremely difficult to put up boundaries and wanting to be liked by everyone. Some people are willing to go extremely far to achieve this.
It is almost guaranteed that this person will be put to the test by some people in their close environment since they do not know how they can push the limit. Many times it is not even done intentionally but whether you like it or not you end up being treated like a doormat.
Sadly there are people that will start taking advantage when they discover someone else finds it difficult saying ‘no’. Even though this can create negative situations for the people pleaser, they themselves are the biggest cause for the situation they are creating and the further consequences.
The more a person thrives to satisfy the people around them, the bigger the chance they will lose themselves in the process. By guessing what will make you more favorable and acting accordingly, your own needs and wishes get pushed back.
This behavior is often compared to wearing a mask since the person in question will act according to what they think others want to see instead of how they feel and actually are. It can start by altering the truth but this can lead quickly to a whole web of lies. And this is just to portray the image of what they think the other wants to see to become more likeable in their eyes.
People pleasers are often described as unauthentic. Not only to others but mostly actually to themselves. This can have quite some consequences for a person’s mental and physical health.
Mental and Physical Health
There is quite a chain of events that can take place. By putting your own needs on a side track, you are more likely to find and commit yourself to situations that do not suit you. Being the person that you are, this may not be showing. Lying about your state of mind sounds extremely innocent. This can’t be said though about a completely fabricated truth. While putting on a fake smile the pressure inside is building up. The anxiety of being exposed will rise.
Stress levels will go up and the state of happiness will go down. The consequences of living an inauthentic life are sleeplessness, a difficulty to focus, elevated pulse, a bad skin, decreased happiness and many other things.
This is all due to elevated stress levels and anxiety, which progress over time. These symptoms are the main reason why people pleasers are diagnosed with the ‘disease to please’.
How can a person stop the pattern of pleasing others before themselves?
This is easier said than done since being a people pleaser is difficult habit to break. But it mainly means living with total integrity. Being honest and authentic mostly to yourself.
Start putting up your boundaries and show people you are not a doormat. Learn to use the word ‘no’. It is better and healthier to show the rest of the world who you truly are even if that means that fewer people will like you for it. Making yourself a priority is stead of others will drastically improve a person’s state of mind. And on the long run, this will also improve your health.